Who I am Hates Who I've Been

What?? Two posts in one month!!! Who'da thunk it?? Haha well the World is not coming to an end.. I am just feeling more... "bloggy" lately. Ya I don't think that is a word.... but I am going to make it one. :)

This week theme is from my favorite band ever.. Relient K and their acoustic version of "Who I am Hates Who I've Been"

This blog is a little more emotional for me... It is a special post for those who know or knew me best in the past few years.

How often in life do we lose ourselves? We have so much laid out before us that we are told to go after... a good job, a good relationship, a healthy lifestyle.  Not that any of those are bad things... but we must ask ourselves... Just Who are we living for?

Your parents? Significant other? Best friend? Role model? You?

Are you living your life for you? For God and the plans he has for you?

I know that for the past few years I have not lived my life for me... but for others. Don't get me wrong, a life lived to serve others is one well lived. But that is a totally different subject. I am saying, when you think about your day and the things you want to do are you doing it for God and the plans he has for your life? or for what someone else wants you to do and accomplish?

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

God has plans for us. They are far greater than we can ever imagine. Take a moment now to reflect on your life. Who are you living it for? What are you doing with your life? Make sure it is where God wants you to be...

I, however.. have not been living my life for God...

First and foremost I need to apologize. Life has taken its hold on me and I have lost myself along the way. I used to be very positive, loved life and was happy. Lately it seems those great qualities of mine have gone away.  I have cut people out of my life, been judgmental, focused on things that wont get me any where and even hateful to those that I love.

"I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again

'cause who I am hates who I've been."

I honestly have lost my focus in life... It was obvious with my friendships... my classwork... my relationships with family. Its not something I am proud of. 

I needed a serious break.     

"And the things bottled inside have finally begun

To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up."

Don't get me wrong.. I love my friends. Each and everyone of you means the World to me and it would kill me if I lost any of you in my life. I however have not been a good friend to any of you.  I apologize sincerely for that. 

"I was positive that unless I got myself together,

I would watch me fall apart."

I have made a huge change in my life... both literally and figuratively. More obviously, I have moved across the country for 10 months to master a passion of mine. (Which by the way... first few days have been awesome and I have never been more excited about school! :) ) 

I have also started to realize how amazing God truly is and how in order to succeed in the next ten months I will need to cling to him more than ever. 

Lastly, I have started looking at the friendships I have and the role I have played and what I need to do to make them better. It is going to be a huge change for me. If you have any suggestions for me... please let me know. I love you all and want you to all to be in my life for a very long time. 

I hope everyone has an amazing semester. 

Until next time.... God Bless!

-Jade