Memorial day... its been a rough one for me... a whole lotta sittin and not a lot of doin... so I will do something and write a new blog! :)
Give Until There's Nothing Left by Relient K
I have always believed that a life of service and giving to others is one well lived. Think about it... what better gift can you give to a person or God than yourself? Nothing else can compare. I have tried my best to live my life this way... giving to those who need.. or even don't need... as a way to show I care.
Lately I feel like I have been doing all of this giving for nothing. I love people. I love my friends, I love life, I love God. I feel like I have been doing so much giving... and it just seems like there is no point anymore. Im there for any friend whenever they need it.. yet I can hardly find any one to be there for me. I am trying to so hard to be a different person... one that doesn't complain or push my thoughts and opinions on others.. so much that now i feel lost. i feel like theres no one to trust.... no one i can call on... its all very... lonely.
Now, don't get me wrong... I know God is there... and I know I have those that care about me... but sometimes it would be nice to see some sort of action on all the words and promises. Im not trying to call out any of my friends... im not upset or angry at anyone. im just a little lost and miss having that one good friend that i can trust and go to for anything.
Sorry for the frustrated rant... but no worries... i will keep giving... because that is what important... the others and God in my life. not me. I will continue to be there for you all whenever you need me.. day or night.. rain or shine... because that is when i feel the best.. helping others. :)
I will give until there's nothing left....
-Jade
Monday, May 30, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Innocent
Once again I need to apologize for not updating you all.. but my life has been crazy the last few weeks! This week my blog will be accompanied by Taylor Swift's "Innocent"
First things first. For those who don't know, I am no longer attending Hallmark. Things just weren't going the way I was expecting and I really felt like I needed to be back in Kansas.
That being said, I really feel like I need to apologize to everyone. I really feel like I am letting everyone down by coming back before I was done. All of the support I got... how many times I was told how proud people were of me.... all feels wasted now. I am sorry to let everyone down.
I feel like I should really explain myself, but even I don't know. I do feel like being back in Manhattan is the right place. I love photography and still plan to make a career of it... but being in Massachusetts never felt right and I feel like I have a lot of things that I was trying to deal with by going away from them instead of just facing them like a strong person should.
These past few days, starting with my drive across the US and now moving into my summer apartment, have really shown me that I have really made a mess of things. But thats just how life goes. God will never give me anything I cant handle. Its just time for me to grow up and face everything and get my life in control.
I know I can do this. I am so hopeful and excited for the future. I cant wait to "make it" and have people tell me that they are proud of me and really feel like I did something worth being proud of. So heres to hoping I make it and to you for sticking around and being there for me.
"Today is never too late to be brand new."
-Jade
First things first. For those who don't know, I am no longer attending Hallmark. Things just weren't going the way I was expecting and I really felt like I needed to be back in Kansas.
That being said, I really feel like I need to apologize to everyone. I really feel like I am letting everyone down by coming back before I was done. All of the support I got... how many times I was told how proud people were of me.... all feels wasted now. I am sorry to let everyone down.
I feel like I should really explain myself, but even I don't know. I do feel like being back in Manhattan is the right place. I love photography and still plan to make a career of it... but being in Massachusetts never felt right and I feel like I have a lot of things that I was trying to deal with by going away from them instead of just facing them like a strong person should.
These past few days, starting with my drive across the US and now moving into my summer apartment, have really shown me that I have really made a mess of things. But thats just how life goes. God will never give me anything I cant handle. Its just time for me to grow up and face everything and get my life in control.
I know I can do this. I am so hopeful and excited for the future. I cant wait to "make it" and have people tell me that they are proud of me and really feel like I did something worth being proud of. So heres to hoping I make it and to you for sticking around and being there for me.
"Today is never too late to be brand new."
-Jade
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Black and Purple
Last night was a real heart breaker for me and many many other K-State Wildcat fans across the nation. We watched as I hope rose and fell throughout the game as Jacob Pullen made history and became the leading scorer in K-State basketball history, as we led, then trailed, the led and finally had our hopes swatted away with Pullen's last attempt at a three pointer.
Let me start by being completely honest. I was not a K-State basketball fan two years ago. I never bought tickets to games and told my friends they were a waste of time during the week that should be spent on focusing on school. So, when I bought the icat ticket package last year I was slightly irritated with the fact that they came with basketball tickets. They weren't anything I wanted or needed. So, I didn't attend the first few games, thinking I wasn't missing out on anything. One day, my dear friend Andrew called me up and asked me to attend a game with him. I really wasn't thrilled about going but decided to go anyway. While it was a small game in preseason I caught the fever. Soon I was attending almost every game with my friend Sarah, sitting as close as we could in the icat section... throwing our newspaper when the cats were announced, and cheering on the cats to victories.
Last years season brought so many fond memories. Waiting in line in the cold to watch the Clemente, Colon and Pullen take down the Texas Longhorns. Hanging out in Blake's apartment with my closest friends as we watched the boys go into overtime against Xavier to make it to the Elite Eight.. and then hearing Manhattan erupt into cheers of celebration.
These are some of my fondest memories of my Junior year, so obviously, I couldn't wait until the next season to start. What fan couldn't? Pre-ranked 3rd in the nation! This season promised to be one of the most memorable.
The season started out fabulous. Then controversy struck, losses happened and players quit. Many people wrote off the Cats, but the Wildcat nation still had pride and hope for the future. February 14. The remarkable Kansas Jayhawks, newly ranked number one, came to the Octagon of Doom. Sitting in my apartment on my air mattress watching the game on my laptop I had never been more proud as the Cats beat down a team that has had many solid victories over them. I wanted to be nowhere else in the World than with my fellow students and Wildcat fans storming the court at Bramlage.
From that same spot I watched the Cats take on team after team and demand back the respect they had lost over the past few months. I watched them get selected 5th for the NCAA Tournament, take on the Utah State Aggies and the finally, the heartbreaking, season ending loss to Wisconsin. My emotions defiantly got the best of me, because for me... it was more than just another loss.
You see, this basketball team means a
lot to me. It was more than just something I went to and watched on tv.
It was fantastic times with friends at games.
It was sharing K-State for the first time with my little sister at the Mizzou game.
It was sitting at a K-State game with my best friends after I had decided to go to photo school that I was filled with such pride that I KNEW I just had to come back to K-State and graduate, because I was a true Wildcat and could not see myself not being a graduate.
It was never giving up, even when things looked the worst, to become successful again.
It was the joy that came with a victory.
It was my connection to home every game night from thousands of miles away.
It was "skyping" through games with Sara and Andrew.
It was calling my mom and discussing our thoughts on the team.
It is the Pride of wearing purple with thousands of other friends.
It was so much more than a team for me. Watching this basketball team brought me joy and taught me a lot of lessons. It was a little heartbreaking to see them lose, but I know there are greater things to come, for me, for the basketball team, for Jacob Pullen.
I know that the next time I see the Cats take the court in Bramalge, I will be there... with some of my closest friends again, ready to make many more great memories.
So for now, maybe I'll become a Bat-Cats fan... who knows.
All I do know is that I am going to miss that beard.
Until next time-
Jade
It was a heartbreaking loss and I would be lying if I said I didn't shed a tear... but really who didn't? But to me, it was more than just a lost basketball game. To me.. it was the end to a lot of great memories and life changing events. This week's blog is in honor of the mens basketball team and the great memories they brought me.
Our song this week is "Black and Purple" by Aaron Bell haha enjoy.
Let me start by being completely honest. I was not a K-State basketball fan two years ago. I never bought tickets to games and told my friends they were a waste of time during the week that should be spent on focusing on school. So, when I bought the icat ticket package last year I was slightly irritated with the fact that they came with basketball tickets. They weren't anything I wanted or needed. So, I didn't attend the first few games, thinking I wasn't missing out on anything. One day, my dear friend Andrew called me up and asked me to attend a game with him. I really wasn't thrilled about going but decided to go anyway. While it was a small game in preseason I caught the fever. Soon I was attending almost every game with my friend Sarah, sitting as close as we could in the icat section... throwing our newspaper when the cats were announced, and cheering on the cats to victories.Last years season brought so many fond memories. Waiting in line in the cold to watch the Clemente, Colon and Pullen take down the Texas Longhorns. Hanging out in Blake's apartment with my closest friends as we watched the boys go into overtime against Xavier to make it to the Elite Eight.. and then hearing Manhattan erupt into cheers of celebration.
These are some of my fondest memories of my Junior year, so obviously, I couldn't wait until the next season to start. What fan couldn't? Pre-ranked 3rd in the nation! This season promised to be one of the most memorable.The season started out fabulous. Then controversy struck, losses happened and players quit. Many people wrote off the Cats, but the Wildcat nation still had pride and hope for the future. February 14. The remarkable Kansas Jayhawks, newly ranked number one, came to the Octagon of Doom. Sitting in my apartment on my air mattress watching the game on my laptop I had never been more proud as the Cats beat down a team that has had many solid victories over them. I wanted to be nowhere else in the World than with my fellow students and Wildcat fans storming the court at Bramlage.
From that same spot I watched the Cats take on team after team and demand back the respect they had lost over the past few months. I watched them get selected 5th for the NCAA Tournament, take on the Utah State Aggies and the finally, the heartbreaking, season ending loss to Wisconsin. My emotions defiantly got the best of me, because for me... it was more than just another loss.You see, this basketball team means a
lot to me. It was more than just something I went to and watched on tv.
It was fantastic times with friends at games.
It was sharing K-State for the first time with my little sister at the Mizzou game.
It was sitting at a K-State game with my best friends after I had decided to go to photo school that I was filled with such pride that I KNEW I just had to come back to K-State and graduate, because I was a true Wildcat and could not see myself not being a graduate.
It was never giving up, even when things looked the worst, to become successful again.
It was the joy that came with a victory.
It was my connection to home every game night from thousands of miles away.
It was "skyping" through games with Sara and Andrew.
It was calling my mom and discussing our thoughts on the team.
It is the Pride of wearing purple with thousands of other friends.
It was so much more than a team for me. Watching this basketball team brought me joy and taught me a lot of lessons. It was a little heartbreaking to see them lose, but I know there are greater things to come, for me, for the basketball team, for Jacob Pullen.
So for now, maybe I'll become a Bat-Cats fan... who knows.
All I do know is that I am going to miss that beard.
Until next time-
Jade
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Devastation and Reform
Today folks, I am inspired by Relient K, (not the first, def wont be the last) and Devastation and Reform.
Do you ever have a week that you just cannot wait for it to be over? Like it seems like nothing will go right no matter how hard you try? I feel like this week has definitely been one of those for me. Struggles with home life, with friends, with class, with myself, with God.... sometimes it never seems to end...
"And here I sit, Thinking of God knows what. Afraid to admit I might self-destruct"
I have the terrible habit of dwelling on these problems I know... and while there is no excuse for it I sometimes seem to be unable to break the habit. Today I was listening to this song... and it hit me. I was born for devastation and reform.
So many times in life I feel like I need to be in control. Like it is up to me to make everything PERFECT. If something is not right in my life.. or a friends life... it is my fault. Whatever is wrong... I need to get in there and fix it and make it better!
However... it seems that a lot of the time when I do this I end up making the situation way worse than it was to begin with. i think about my problems and talk about them sooo much that they become meaningless to those closest to me. I have screwed up friendship after friendship by trying to force my opinion on what I think they should be doing to make their life better.
"Destroying everything I loved And the worst part is I pull my heart out, reconstruct, And in the end it's nothing but The shell of what I had when I first started"
So many different situations stick out to me right now... and I feel awful about them. I hate that I have screwed up so many different situations in my life... by just trying to be so controlling!
It is now that I have to let go... and let God in control.
It sounds so simple! But it is sooo hard.... I know he has a plan.. and in the end no matter what struggles I am going through he will be there and I will be a better person at the end.
"But there'd be no story Without all this descension So I inflict the conflict With the utmost of intention"
Do you ever have a week that you just cannot wait for it to be over? Like it seems like nothing will go right no matter how hard you try? I feel like this week has definitely been one of those for me. Struggles with home life, with friends, with class, with myself, with God.... sometimes it never seems to end...
"And here I sit, Thinking of God knows what. Afraid to admit I might self-destruct"
I have the terrible habit of dwelling on these problems I know... and while there is no excuse for it I sometimes seem to be unable to break the habit. Today I was listening to this song... and it hit me. I was born for devastation and reform. So many times in life I feel like I need to be in control. Like it is up to me to make everything PERFECT. If something is not right in my life.. or a friends life... it is my fault. Whatever is wrong... I need to get in there and fix it and make it better!
However... it seems that a lot of the time when I do this I end up making the situation way worse than it was to begin with. i think about my problems and talk about them sooo much that they become meaningless to those closest to me. I have screwed up friendship after friendship by trying to force my opinion on what I think they should be doing to make their life better.
"Destroying everything I loved And the worst part is I pull my heart out, reconstruct, And in the end it's nothing but The shell of what I had when I first started"
So many different situations stick out to me right now... and I feel awful about them. I hate that I have screwed up so many different situations in my life... by just trying to be so controlling!
It is now that I have to let go... and let God in control.
It sounds so simple! But it is sooo hard.... I know he has a plan.. and in the end no matter what struggles I am going through he will be there and I will be a better person at the end."But there'd be no story Without all this descension So I inflict the conflict With the utmost of intention"
So, while all of these situations that haven't turned out the best may hurt at the time.. I know at the end there is a lesson from God in them all. Trust your friends, trust your family and most importantly... trust in God.
I keep holding on to the hope and trust in God that it will, in fact, work our amazing in the end.
"In the end failure is a blessing in disguise."
So to many of you that I may have offended by impressing my will upon you, I want to apologize. I am doing my best to be a better servant of God and his will. Please keep me in check!
And for you all.. remember God has a plan and each and every situation happens to teach you a lesson and make you a better person. So listen to his voice... instead of your own... or even mine. :)
Have a wonderful week!
-Jade
Monday, February 14, 2011
Homesick
Hey everyone! Sorry its been awhile, I keep meaning to update but after a long day at school sometimes I just cant get the creative juices flowing! However, we are lucky tonight! I have a new post brought to you by MercyMe and their song, Homesick.
Being in Turners Falls for over a month now has definitely made me a little homesick for family, friends, puppies, mustangs, jimmy johns and of course Sonic.... however this is not the homesick that has hit me pretty hard this week.
Lately, it seems like every time I close my eyes or my thoughts drift away I begin to think of my dad. I think and dream of happy times with him, riding horses, driving my car and sharing with him all the amazing things I am doing at school. I am so happy in those moments. But then, I wake and realize that those things can't happen.
It brings me to tears almost every time.
"the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you"
I know one day I will be reunited with my dad. Hopefully more sooner than later... in a place where there will be no pain, no tears, no unhappiness and certainly no cancer. I cant wait until that time.
Being in Turners Falls for over a month now has definitely made me a little homesick for family, friends, puppies, mustangs, jimmy johns and of course Sonic.... however this is not the homesick that has hit me pretty hard this week.
Lately, it seems like every time I close my eyes or my thoughts drift away I begin to think of my dad. I think and dream of happy times with him, riding horses, driving my car and sharing with him all the amazing things I am doing at school. I am so happy in those moments. But then, I wake and realize that those things can't happen.It brings me to tears almost every time.
"the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you"
I know God used my dad in amazing ways to help change lives, including my dads... but sometimes it gets so frustrating. There are just sometimes when I need my dad.
I know one day I will be reunited with my dad. Hopefully more sooner than later... in a place where there will be no pain, no tears, no unhappiness and certainly no cancer. I cant wait until that time."Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow."
I pray everyday for my family and I to make it through this tough time and onto heaven with my dad. Until then... I just have these small moments with my dad in my heart. Please bear with me through this time.
I love you all and God bless.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Who I am Hates Who I've Been
What?? Two posts in one month!!! Who'da thunk it?? Haha well the World is not coming to an end.. I am just feeling more... "bloggy" lately. Ya I don't think that is a word.... but I am going to make it one. :)
This blog is a little more emotional for me... It is a special post for those who know or knew me best in the past few years.
How often in life do we lose ourselves? We have so much laid out before us that we are told to go after... a good job, a good relationship, a healthy lifestyle. Not that any of those are bad things... but we must ask ourselves... Just Who are we living for?
Your parents? Significant other? Best friend? Role model? You?
Are you living your life for you? For God and the plans he has for you?
I know that for the past few years I have not lived my life for me... but for others. Don't get me wrong, a life lived to serve others is one well lived. But that is a totally different subject. I am saying, when you think about your day and the things you want to do are you doing it for God and the plans he has for your life? or for what someone else wants you to do and accomplish?
God has plans for us. They are far greater than we can ever imagine. Take a moment now to reflect on your life. Who are you living it for? What are you doing with your life? Make sure it is where God wants you to be...
I, however.. have not been living my life for God...
First and foremost I need to apologize. Life has taken its hold on me and I have lost myself along the way. I used to be very positive, loved life and was happy. Lately it seems those great qualities of mine have gone away. I have cut people out of my life, been judgmental, focused on things that wont get me any where and even hateful to those that I love.
This week theme is from my favorite band ever.. Relient K and their acoustic version of "Who I am Hates Who I've Been"
How often in life do we lose ourselves? We have so much laid out before us that we are told to go after... a good job, a good relationship, a healthy lifestyle. Not that any of those are bad things... but we must ask ourselves... Just Who are we living for?
Your parents? Significant other? Best friend? Role model? You?Are you living your life for you? For God and the plans he has for you?
I know that for the past few years I have not lived my life for me... but for others. Don't get me wrong, a life lived to serve others is one well lived. But that is a totally different subject. I am saying, when you think about your day and the things you want to do are you doing it for God and the plans he has for your life? or for what someone else wants you to do and accomplish?
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11
I, however.. have not been living my life for God...
First and foremost I need to apologize. Life has taken its hold on me and I have lost myself along the way. I used to be very positive, loved life and was happy. Lately it seems those great qualities of mine have gone away. I have cut people out of my life, been judgmental, focused on things that wont get me any where and even hateful to those that I love.
"I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been."
I honestly have lost my focus in life... It was obvious with my friendships... my classwork... my relationships with family. Its not something I am proud of.
I needed a serious break.
"And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up."
Don't get me wrong.. I love my friends. Each and everyone of you means the World to me and it would kill me if I lost any of you in my life. I however have not been a good friend to any of you. I apologize sincerely for that.
"I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart."
I have made a huge change in my life... both literally and figuratively. More obviously, I have moved across the country for 10 months to master a passion of mine. (Which by the way... first few days have been awesome and I have never been more excited about school! :) )
I have also started to realize how amazing God truly is and how in order to succeed in the next ten months I will need to cling to him more than ever.
Lastly, I have started looking at the friendships I have and the role I have played and what I need to do to make them better. It is going to be a huge change for me. If you have any suggestions for me... please let me know. I love you all and want you to all to be in my life for a very long time.
I hope everyone has an amazing semester.
Until next time.... God Bless!
-Jade
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Dynamite
This week's blog will be a little different.. We will be listening to the tune "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz
Not really inspirational... just makes me want to dance. And that's how I feel right now! :)
Not really inspirational... just makes me want to dance. And that's how I feel right now! :)
Theme for this post.... NEW!
First and most obvious... New Year!
With me... New Life, New Situation, New Problems and.... drum roll please......
New Hair! :)
Yes me... Jade "jade's Bangs" Comstock have cut off all my long hair that I have spent the past few years growing out! Whew. Still crazy to me!
Went from This....
To This!!!
Sorry... don't judge the crappy cell phone photo!
Intense I know!
But in other news... and far bigger challenges... I have made the decision to take a break from my dear Kansas State University and attend..... The Hallmark Institute of Photography!
I am so excited/nervous/stressed/pumped/anxious/scared/every emotion under the sun about this decision.
This change requires me to move 1503.75 miles to the small town of Turners Falls Massachusetts. Here I will be living with a new roommate, in a new place that I have never experienced before. I will spend 10 months learning just about everything I can about Photography. A little scary.. I know!
All of this requires me to pack up my whole apartment, put most of it into storage and the rest in the back of a car to trek across the country.
So of course... I am procrastinating that lovely challenge but blessing you all with my thoughts. :)
However... no matter how intense it seems.. I am up for the challenge. God has blessed me beyond measure with the chance to attend this school and go out side my comfort zone to try something I have never done before. So I am going to challenge myself not only to become a better photographer, but a better person, friend and most importantly... follower of God.
So now... I will stereotypically make a list of resolutions for the new year!
1. Find something to praise God for each and every day. Even when it seems like everything bad that can happen may have happened... I will find something good that God has blessed me with.
2. Become a professional photographer. I am on the right track here I think... just gotta go to class and log the hours! :)
3. Build stronger relationships with my friends. This one I think will be a huge challenge as I will be thousands of miles away from them all... but where there is a will there is a way.
4. Be a happier person. I have let life kind of take the reins from me it seems in the past year or so. Taking away my joy I once had... So I will work this next year to bring that back and be the happy person I used to be.
5. Update this blog (at least) once a month. my last post was in July. Wow. not okay. But this will be a great way to let people know how school is going and let my thoughts out so maybe it will work better!
6. Attend church at least 3 Sunday's a month. I have been a real slacker here. In order to grow closer to God I need to be back in church learning more about him.
7. Lose 20 pounds. Hey might as well throw this stereotype in as well!
8. Continue to be a giving and caring person. I love giving to people... and making them happy... might as well keep it going.
9. Explore and cross many things off my bucket list as I spend time in the New England area. (so excited!)
10. Finish packing..... yea.... here goes!
So here I go... I will miss Kansas and my beloved K-State (especially the basketball team... agh good luck boys!) and my friends and family! But I will be back and feel free to visit!
Have a great year everyone! It's gonna be... you guessed it... Dynamite!!
Sorry... don't judge the crappy cell phone photo!
Intense I know!
But in other news... and far bigger challenges... I have made the decision to take a break from my dear Kansas State University and attend..... The Hallmark Institute of Photography!
I am so excited/nervous/stressed/pumped/anxious/scared/every emotion under the sun about this decision.
This change requires me to move 1503.75 miles to the small town of Turners Falls Massachusetts. Here I will be living with a new roommate, in a new place that I have never experienced before. I will spend 10 months learning just about everything I can about Photography. A little scary.. I know!
All of this requires me to pack up my whole apartment, put most of it into storage and the rest in the back of a car to trek across the country.
So of course... I am procrastinating that lovely challenge but blessing you all with my thoughts. :)
However... no matter how intense it seems.. I am up for the challenge. God has blessed me beyond measure with the chance to attend this school and go out side my comfort zone to try something I have never done before. So I am going to challenge myself not only to become a better photographer, but a better person, friend and most importantly... follower of God.
So now... I will stereotypically make a list of resolutions for the new year!
1. Find something to praise God for each and every day. Even when it seems like everything bad that can happen may have happened... I will find something good that God has blessed me with.
2. Become a professional photographer. I am on the right track here I think... just gotta go to class and log the hours! :)
4. Be a happier person. I have let life kind of take the reins from me it seems in the past year or so. Taking away my joy I once had... So I will work this next year to bring that back and be the happy person I used to be.
5. Update this blog (at least) once a month. my last post was in July. Wow. not okay. But this will be a great way to let people know how school is going and let my thoughts out so maybe it will work better!
6. Attend church at least 3 Sunday's a month. I have been a real slacker here. In order to grow closer to God I need to be back in church learning more about him.
7. Lose 20 pounds. Hey might as well throw this stereotype in as well!
8. Continue to be a giving and caring person. I love giving to people... and making them happy... might as well keep it going.
9. Explore and cross many things off my bucket list as I spend time in the New England area. (so excited!)
10. Finish packing..... yea.... here goes!
So here I go... I will miss Kansas and my beloved K-State (especially the basketball team... agh good luck boys!) and my friends and family! But I will be back and feel free to visit!
Have a great year everyone! It's gonna be... you guessed it... Dynamite!!
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